I went to Canopy Cove today for IOP. I had a much needed session with Dr. Jeter. It was extremely beneficial, like they always are.
As soon as I got to program, around noon, it was time to make and eat lunch. This was an extremely hard meal for me. I skipped breakfast this morning and before lunch I had that oh-so- addictive "empty" feeling in my body. I wish I could explain the empty feeling. A feeling like I am pure. Flawless. Clean. Like there are no toxins of food in my body. Nothing. I like the feeling of nothing. Especially when everything is going on around me. Everything that I cannot control or change. I CAN control my empty feeling. I CANNOT control what Malcom says to me.
My empty feeling was brutally killed by lunch.
After lunch and a few groups came snack. Snack was easier because I no longer had that empty feeling,but I still was not hungry. I had thoughts about using behaviors after I got home from program, but I didn't. Instead, I used one of my favorite coping skills: Napping!
Like I said, today is another day further away from yesterday. I'm thankful to God for the strength He gave me today. He gave me strength to eat today. And eating is essential for life. And ultimately, I want life.
"If all we need is love, and God is love, then I guess all we really need is God."
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