The Good. The Bad & The Ugly.

A night to remember! Sunday night the Minister and I went camping! He invited me Friday night and I for sure thought that between Friday and Sunday he would change his mind or something, because he always seemed to do that whenever we made plans. But this time was different. He told me, "I'm sorry. I'm done being sketchy."


So, Sunday I drove a few hours into an Alabama campground. It was so beautiful! We were right on the lake and under a bunch of trees. Sounds great, right? Except for the fact that it rained. The ENTIRE time we were there. At one point, since we were right by a bathhouse, we decided to just hang out in there to escape the possible tornado. Then the most romantic thing happened...He took out his iPhone and put on "I'll Be" (the slow lovey-dovey song). And we slow danced! Right there in the pouring rain! I was so happy! Despite being soaking wet and cold. 


We cuddled at night in the tent and fell asleep. Well, "sleep" means tossing and turning all night. But it was still a great experience. 


I think I'm still catching up on sleep from that night, but I've still managed to make it to work. Tuesday I had off and it was a miserable, eating disordered day.


It started out alright. I was able to sleep in and I recently switched up my breakfast adding a little variety, and I'm really enjoying it. But then Tuesday turned ugly.


A little back story (that is relevant to this blog): About 6 or so years ago I "dated" this guy. Well, i say "date", but if you would've asked him, he would've said "Oh, we're just hooking up". Anyway, he was a complete jerk. I mean disgusting, nasty, terrible, jerk. He called me names and said the most ugliest things to me. Then, sometime last year I decided to forgive him. Jesus forgave, and we are to be more like Jesus, right? So I accepted him friend requests and blah blah blah.


The, fast forward to yesterday. He called me on Skype and I innocently answered. Being wary of his former ways, I chatted about non-threatening things such as weather and stuff like that. But then he started saying and doing those nasty things again. And it brought me emotionally RIGHT back to when I was in high school and he was treating me like that. I had a bunch of flashbacks and started feeling those horrible, shameful feelings. So just overall I felt really terrible about myself.


The rest of the day was eating disordered. I did a horrible job with my meal plan and even used behaviors more than once. I'm not proud of it and I definitely don't want it to become a pattern. I did much better today. I squeezed in lunch before work, even though I could've easily skipped it and I promptly ate my dinner after work. Being sucked into the eating disorder IS an option, but not one I can afford right now for many reasons.