Baby Love

There was an addition to my saddness and disappointment last night.

My mood has continuously been blah, so I was looking forward to Skyping with E last night. It is pretty much the highlight of my day lately. Things were going well and then he told me that he was thinking about kids during the day. Then he told me that during dinner there were 2 obnoxious children being loud and it really annoyed him. Then my day just went flat; he said that he doesn't think he wants children. At all.

Now, at first I didn't think anything of it because I thought Well, maybe he doesn't want kids now, but later on in his life he might. Nope. He said that the longer he waits the less he wants them. He said, "I guess that's kind of a deal breaker, huh?"

Doesn't that sound like he's trying to break up? Yeah, I thought so too. So, of course, I got all emotional and started to cry a little bit. I also shut down completely. I told him I had to go but he said he wanted to hear what I had to say. After a little pushing from him I opened up. We continued to talk and he said he doesn't want to break up. He also said something that absolutely melted my heart. I asked him if he liked me as much as he used to and he goes "I like you more and more each day." Yay!

If you're thinking that I'm overreacting, you're wrong. Why would I want to "waste" time dating someone if there's absolutely no potential that I will marry them, and eventually have babies with them? I told E this, the reason I date (and why most people do) is to filter out who I want to spend the rest of my life with. And if I date someone long term and find out down the road that they don't want children, then it will be even harder to break things off. Makes perfect sense to me.

So, ultimately, we didn't solve the baby argument. I'm hoping that he won't completely disregard the idea of having children. I might ask him too, "If someday we fall deeply in love, what greater gift could you give me than a baby?"

Perhaps this is too serious too soon, but I'd rather know my mates true intentions before my heart gets seriously damaged down the road.