My Toolbelt of Life

I have bad news. This doesn't affect you so sorry if I am just venting here

Danielle called me and told me that Dr. Brogdon is NOT covered by my insurance. SO this means that I have to see some other random therapist in Tallahassee. I was really devestated. I mean, I made SO much progress with Dr. Jeter and the rest of the staff at Canopy Cove that I can't even imagine re-hashing everything that happened in my life to some new person. I actually do have a session with Dr. Brogdon on Monday. Danielle sugegsted that I see her in the meantime while my 2nd appeal is going through, and while they look for a therapist that my insurance will cover. I had to ask my parents for the money to pay for the visit with Dr. Brogdon, which I always HATE to do. I feel like at 23 I should be able to support myself financially, as well as emotionally. But I guess that it counts towards something that I'm making progress towards both.

My father has been reminding me again and again how this time would come. A time that my insurance would cut out and I would have to do this on my own. He's right. I've learned all the tools and now I can put my tools to use on my own.

Yesterday I made my schedule for the next 3 semesters. I'm actually super excited. I'll be able to graduate next fall and go straight into the Art History program at FSU. My plan is to get my undergraduate degree in Art History and then my Masters in Art Therapy. I'm somewhat nervous because I'll be a full-time student again. I haven't done that since I was a Fine Arts major at SUNY New Paltz. We all know how THAT turned out (and if you don't, I had to drop out of New Paltz and became very sick, a few hospitals, etc...). I obviously won't be in IOP at Canopy Cove, so I guess I'll have more time for school. I just hope I don't get overwhelmed and have to drop out again. That would send all my goals down the drain.

But I have the tools now. I didn't before.

If you have read my blog right before this, I'm sure you're wondering how my little date went. It actually went pretty well. We got along good and he's been texting and calling me since then. (Which is an upgrade from some people I've dated). He took me out to dinner and invited me over to watch some football. The only problems are that (a) he isn't religious and (b) he's pretty pushy in the physical activity department. I know I'm not going to marry this guy because the religion thing is a deal breaker and being pushy is a BAD sign. But I guess it's okay to go out on some dates and just have fun. I mean, I am a college student. I won't ever find my perfect match by sitting home alone. I need to get out and do things, and as long as I'm protecting my heart, then there is no harm. And with him, I HAVE protected my heart. It's just that other fella who I still absolutely adore. Gah! Boys!

My eating disorder has been very bi-polar lately. The other day I did excellent. I ate all my meals and I stayed busy afterwards. But today has just been horrible. Behaviors really snuck in and the only real good job I did today was dinner because Malcom, his friend and I went to Panera. (Where we happily visited Carly!) Anyway, tomorrow IS a new day, right?

And I DO have those tools to recover!