Karen called me yesterday at 5:03pm. That's something I like about Canopy Cove; they always work overtime. Anyway, she called me to let me know that my insurance wants to drop me of my coverage of Canopy Cove. She said I have 4 options: Try to appeal, see Dr. Jeter (whom my insurance doesnt cover so it would be $160 per session), see Dr. Brogdon (whom my insurance DOES cover), or see another therapist in the community. Ugh! So many mixed emotions. Every other time I have been in treatment, I basically count down the days until my insurance bails on me. But today I feel in shambles.
I knew that at some point, my time at Canopy Cove would have to come to an end. But when will I EVER be ready to take off the training wheels of Canopy Cove and do everything on my own? I certainly don't feel like I am now. Behaviors are still a weekly thing, not to mention the awful thoughts that still dance in my head.
As for my options, I told Karen to try to appeal. I do still benefit from the meals together and the groups, and obviously the individual therapy with Dr. Jeter. I love Dr. Brogdon, but I haven't had an individual with her in over a year! And I have a connection with Dr. Jeter. She knows me in and out. She knows all my flaws and weaknesses. She knows about Malcom. She knows about my family. And sure, Dr. Brogdon knows all of this too, but no one could replace Dr. Jeter. If I am unable to get my appeal, then I will see Dr. Brogdon for individual because she is still a part of Canopy Cove. I wouldn't have to re-live all my stories and such like I would if I had to see another therapist in the community.
As for other news, school is a big pain in the butt. I asked one of my professors for an extension on a paper because I was unable to get it done over the weekend. It was in fact a stressful weekend. One of my closest friends was struggling alot and because I love her so much, I wanted to be there for her. She's doing better now, after lots of prayers! =)
Boy news is stagnant. Malcom came over the other night. I was kind of a weird, actually. He finally Facebook friended me! Only problem is, I have a few pictures up from when I was very sick. He now knows about the eating disorder, which he actually took pretty well. But I told him, "I don't want you to see me from when I was really sick". So he goes, "Well, we're friends now so I'm going to see them anyway". (Typical stubborn guy). So, I showed him and he says, "Oh my goodness! That's crazy! I hate it when people do that to themselves because I've seen too many people get sick from NOT doing anything to themselves."
It makes sense. He has a family history of cancer and he's lost some loved ones from it. He kept asking why I "did this to myself". And I couldn't really give him a good answer. So I kinda just let it go. And the next day I sent him a link to a really good website, http://www.something-fishy.org/ . He later thanked me for it and apologized for seeming mean.
WHY IS HE SO AMAZING?!!! And why can't I be his freaking "type"?
There's this other dude that I met the other day at Starbucks. He randomly came up to me and asked if I had an iPhone. I told him I did, and he went to show me this pretty neat app that HE invented. I was impressed and he seemed nice, so I gave him my number when he asked. He called me today and I might meet up with him later. I'm sure if he's a winner, I'll report back.
And so the title of this blog IS relevant. Nothing is over. Not for me at least. Not my time at Canopy Cove, not my adoration for Malcom, not my search for a perfect match. I guess the question is: Will any of this ever be over?
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