If you have been following my blog, you may recall a post I did a few months ago telling you about how when I was 21, I was diagnosed with osteoporosis in my hips, spine and neck. To put it simply, I was devestated. This is a disease for OLD WOMEN, post-menopausal women. Not me! At the time, I was a victim to one of the many symptoms of an eating disorder. My doctor told me I had until I was 30 years old to reverse it. If not, I would be stuck with the osteoporosis for my life.
Well, I'm happy to report that 2 weeks ago, I had a follow-up bone density scan, and my osteoporosis has started to reverse! Now, it's only at the osteopenic stage! Hooray! I really am happy about it, and although there is still significant bone loss there, I'm taking the right direction to fully reverse it.
Besides that, literally nothing thrilling or exciting has happened. I am still going to Canopy Cove twice a week in the mornings, working Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoons, and going to school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I almost wish something-anything- would happen to me, so I have some high in my life.
I'm still desperately lonely. I long so badly to be with people. You could say that I have plenty of "acquaintances", but no one close enough to really talk to, or open up to. I just want a freakin' best friend! Is that so hard to ask?! I started going to the Women's group at my church. We meet every Wednesday night, and we will be reading Love Revealed. But can I be honest? I feel like I'm too flawed to be close and honest with my church friends. I feel like I have too many issues or problems, that I'm ashamed of and if I truly open up to these people, they may judge me or not accept me.
If you're wondering, my love life is at 0%. That will make for a lovely Valentine's Day tomorrow.
I guess that brings me to my eating. Just like with every other aspect of my life, my eating life is basically as boring. I literally have the same thing for breakfast everyday, lunch occurs occasionally, and dinner and snack are the same thing everyday (not to mention they are basically snacks). I'm pretty much getting all my exchanges in, but with absolutely no variety. Trust me- Ashlee has gotten on my case about this for weeks, but I can't seem to break this little rut I'm in. It really is boring. There's nothing to look forward to and it's starting to make the idea of potential future dinner dates sound impossible.
Lastly, I want to say how much I miss my family. Sure, I talk to them several times a week but I feel like I just really need them right now. I haven't seen them since July. This is the longest I've gone without seeing them. Plus, my nephews are growing so fast and I want to be a special part of their lives. It's crazy how I went from 2 years ago relying on them for literally every little part of my life, to now where I have to pretty much solely rely on myself. I guess that's a part of growing up.
Congrats on your news about the bone scan! That is awesome!! Be proud of that and hold onto it...like an award you've received for all your hard work.
ReplyDeleteI totally get the loneliness thing...longing for a best friend and someone you can actually connect with on a deeper level. I'm in the same place. I wish we were closer, I feel like we'd have a lot to talk about! Just from what little I know about you though, I can tell you're a very likable person and seem like a good friend. I truly believe it will come in time. You're putting yourself out there...going to work and school and church groups, that's really all you can do. Give people the opportunity to get to know you. Oh and one last thing, you are NOT flawed. We all have some type of baggage, from our past and/or present. All of those women in your church group do. I often forget that I'm not the only one in the world that has secrets, thing I wish didn't happen. But they did happen, and we grew from it. We're all still growing.